At the beginning of the month Roy (my husband) resigned from his job. He has been trying to decide what to do now. Does he start his own agency, get a new job or try something new? I have been very at peace about all of this until this week. Monday he flew out to Sacramento for an interview with Nationwide. The recruiter called and said he was the number one candidate, then they E-mailed him and asked for information so they can run a background check. According to the recruiter they never do that unless they are about to make an offer. He wants this job but do we want to move.
I spent my growing up years moving around the planet. Since being married we have moved several times but now we have been here for 13 years. To our children this is home. For me moving would be full of complications. I have children in every level or schooling up into college. I am in college. Do the college kids come with us? Do I have to drop out and wait until we are residents again? How long will that take one year, two years?
We were looking at homes on the Internet. We will have to have a mortgage again. We have been mortgage free for a year. Will the salary of this new job cover the added expense? It is hard to know were to look, we are completely unfamiliar with the area. Roy's brother-in-law made some suggestions but our tastes don't line up exactly. We would prefer a little older neighborhood with mature trees and a lack of vaulted ceilings. He likes new homes. There are no basements in California so the number of rooms is fixed. We can't plan to add a room later. I have no idea what the schools are like and if that should play a part in our housing choices.
I thought my life was already full with the family, church and school. Now, I have house to try and get ready to sell. It is spring break and we are trying to clean and clean out. In two days I finished one bedroom. At this rate it will take 8 more days to finish the bedrooms and perhaps another 14 to finish the house, wait I didn't count the back yard or the garage. Then there is painting and repairs to be done. I am so overwhelmed. Instinctually, I want to say "I can't" but I keep arguing with myself and saying "I must!" Jobs at Roy's level and pay are not plentiful.
I feel like we are abandoning my Dad. Mom died just 6 months ago. They moved here over 20 years ago. Dad says he is deeply rooted in the community and wouldn't consider moving with us because we might move again. He won't move near my brother, they don't get along very well. Utah doesn't appeal to him and that is where my sister lives. I don't want him to be alone and I would miss him dearly.
I have never cried over the possibility of moving. Moving often was a fact of life when I was young. No tears allowed. As an adult moving had always been a new adventure but not so much this time. I've been trying to ignore my feelings and trying to focus on the work. I don't want the kids to think this is something to get upset about and here I am upset. I want to blame my being emotional on Mom's passing but it's more. I have friends here. I feel I have a place in the community. I never worried about belonging when we were moving all those years ago because we would be gone again soon. Family was the only constant in my life. I went to a church meeting last week and looked at faces I have known for twenty years. Some of my neighbors have been here before we moved into the house 13 years ago. I walk into the school and I am greeted like someone who works there. Everyone knows me and my kids. They look forward to the next one to come to their school. I have been with the women in my tap class for over a year now. It feels like weakness to admit it but I like belonging. It's wonderful to be known and respected for who you are. If we leave I won't feel this connected for a long time, if ever. Roy just walked in I think we are going to talk about all this.
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