Moving

At the beginning of the month Roy (my husband) resigned from his job.  He has been trying to decide what to do now. Does he start his own agency, get a new job or try something new?  I have been very at peace about all of this until this week.  Monday he flew out to Sacramento for an interview with Nationwide.  The recruiter called and said he was the number one candidate, then they E-mailed him and asked for information so they can run a background check.  According to the recruiter they never do that unless they are about to make an offer.  He wants this job but do we want to move.

I spent my growing up years moving around the planet.  Since being married we have moved several times but now we have been here for 13 years.  To our children this is home.  For me moving would be full of complications.  I have children in every level or schooling up into college.  I am in college. Do the college kids come with us?  Do I have to drop out and wait until we are residents again?  How long will that take one year, two years?

We were looking at homes on the Internet.  We will have to have a mortgage again.  We have been mortgage free for a year. Will the salary of this new job cover the added expense?  It is hard to know were to look, we are completely unfamiliar with the area.  Roy's brother-in-law made some suggestions but our tastes don't line up exactly. We would prefer a little older neighborhood with mature trees and a lack of vaulted ceilings. He likes new homes. There are no basements in California so the number of rooms is fixed. We can't plan to add a room later. I have no idea what the schools are like and if that should play a part in our housing choices.

I thought my life was already full with the family, church and school. Now, I have house to try and get ready to sell.  It is spring break and we are trying to clean and clean out.  In two days I finished one bedroom. At this rate it will take 8 more days to finish the bedrooms and perhaps another 14 to finish the house, wait I didn't count the back yard or the garage. Then there is painting and repairs to be done. I am so overwhelmed.  Instinctually, I want to say "I can't" but I keep arguing with myself and saying "I must!" Jobs at Roy's level and pay are not plentiful.

I feel like we are abandoning my Dad.  Mom died just 6 months ago.  They moved here over 20 years ago. Dad says he is deeply rooted in the community and wouldn't consider moving with us because we might move again.  He won't move near my brother, they don't get along very well.  Utah doesn't appeal to him and that is where my sister lives.  I don't want him to be alone and I would miss him dearly. 

I have never cried over the possibility of moving.  Moving often was a fact of life when I was young. No tears allowed.  As an adult moving had always been a new adventure but not so much this time.  I've been trying to ignore my feelings and trying to focus on the work.  I don't want the kids to think this is something to get upset about and here I am upset.  I want to blame my being emotional on Mom's passing but it's more.  I have friends here.  I feel I have a place in the community.  I never worried about belonging when we were moving all those years ago because we would be gone again soon.  Family was the only constant in my life.  I went to a church meeting last week and looked at faces I have known for twenty years.  Some of my neighbors have been here before we moved into the house 13 years ago.  I walk into the school and I am greeted like someone who works there. Everyone knows me and my kids.  They look forward to the next one to come to their school.  I have been with the women in my tap class for over a year now.  It feels like weakness to admit it but I like belonging. It's wonderful to be known and respected for who you are.  If we leave I won't feel this connected for a long time, if ever. Roy just walked in I think we are going to talk about all this.

Writing Poetry

This English class has gotten me thinking about writing.  In recent years it has become a practical thing.  I write a note or a list. A few years ago I was writing poetry.  It started one day while I was doing laundry. I was looking at the wrinkly laundry. Wrinkly, finkly...I thought, it sounded much like a nursery rhyme. I ran upstairs and sat down and wrote a poem about a lion.  After that I started using daily incidents in the life of my family as inspiration and began to write from a child's perspective. This evolved into recording stories from my parents and grandparents childhood in the form of poems.  I now have a collection of 70 children's poems.

The other night for Family Home Evening we decide to have a poetry reading night.  As we were collecting books to choose our poems from I found my collection of poems. I had printed them out and put them together in a three ring binder.  As a thumbed through the pages I remembered the excitement and sense of accomplishment.  Why have I stopped writing?  Am I just too busy? 

I found one poem with an interesting story behind it.  My neighbor Chris had asked me to write a poem for an upcoming Relief Society meeting.  She wanted something to give to the women to take home that reflected our feelings as women.  I spent time and effort trying to write something that would strike a cord with these women.  That evening as each woman received and read the poem I received warm and positive feedback.  One year later I was at my mother's house and I picked up a decorative piece of paper with a poem on it.  I almost dropped the paper when I recognized the poem as my own.  Someone in her ward had distributed my poem.  My name was there under the title.  I suspect it was Penny ( a friend of Chris's) who wanted to use the poem the same way we had.  Today I decided to polish up this poem and submit it to the Ensign Magazine. I have no idea if it will be publish or not but it makes me feel good to take be taking the things I have written seriously.

Kindergarten

The research project I am doing for English class is getting me down.  At first I thought kindergarten had gone to full day because working parents didn't like messing with half-day and of course it would save them money on childcare.  Then I started to see all the politicians supporting it as a way of showing their support for education.  I remember Obama quoting research that showed that children lost what ever edge they had gained from preschool by third grade and he used that to say that "we need to do a better job at early childhood education". I heard that and thought that preschool just isn't that effective and we don't need to worry about it so much. The more research I have done the more discouraged I have become.     Teachers and schools like full-day kindergarten because is keeps them in business and it makes it easier for the teachers to cover all the curriculum they are required to teach.  It costs the tax payers money and few people are concerned that with budget cuts where that money is coming from. I've seen this happen is the district just this last year.  The teachers at the middle school and high school level were told that they needed to pick up an extra class to save the district money.  They were not happy about this and tried everything to stop it.  The decision was made and everyone picked up another class.  It may have saved some money overall when you look at subjects like math and English, but it did not work the way the school board intended it to.  The Food for Today teacher added a more advance cooking class which she is going to take to competitions. The band teacher added another music class. And the choir teacher added an advanced performing arts class which puts on an evening performance every quarter. The district was worried about money but, not the schools. Schools are not concerned about cost of their programs to the district unless someone asks them to justify their choices.   The learning that goes on in a full-day class room is not double the instruction time. Such young children can not handle a day sitting at a desk with books and work sheets. Developmentally they are not ready, so kindergarten has changed to adapt.  Rather than be the transition to first grade as in the past it looks more like a longer preschool day.  In fact it looks very much like the kinds of activities I supply for my children at home.   Even parents who stay at home with their children are feeling the need to put their children in school earlier and earlier thinking it will help get them further ahead.  The research just doesn't support this idea. As soon as first grade and no later than 3rd grade any gains the children make are gone.  This research had been around for years yet the trend continues to grow.  Society seems so interested in academics without any proof of any benefit in the course they are pursuing. What about the rest of the child's development. Even the most caring teacher is only invested in their students for one year. I have had enough dealings with school boards to know that they are more interested in being elected and looking good than they are in the individual children.  They don't mind experimenting with a new curriculum because if it succeeds they will be see as daring cutting edge educators and if it fails they can go back to the tried and proven effective methods.  It doesn't matter to them but it does matter to the children they experimented on and who ended up with second best education. Why isn't anyone making decisions based on valid research? Why hasn't anyone looked to see if there are any detrimental effects of children from so much school? Is anyone worried about what kind of children we are turning out? I was taught in Jr. high school social studies that the family was the basic unit of society.  Why do politicians and educators think they can do a better job of raising children than the parents? There are dysfunctional families out there but there are plenty who are really trying. The Department of Education has a plan to implement full-day preschool for 3 year olds, full-day preschool for 4 year olds and mandatory full-day kindergarten.  Some of us would like a choice in the matter that doesn't involve home schooling. There is no way government can replace caring parents.

My Neighbor

I am sitting here talking with my neighbor from across the street. Her son-in-law who lives two doors down asked me to give her a ride to a church activity tonight. Her name is Sadie and she has dementia.She came over a half hour early.  He told her when to come over but she becomes confused easily and can't remember anythng for more than a few minutes. What should I do send her home?  If I do I will have to over to get her later and she will have forgotten why I had come. Just now I have repeate myself 5 times. She keeps forgetting why she is here.

 My mother had dementia but it was a different type. Her memory of events was not really effected but she forgot how to do things and became unable to make decisions or plans. She became unable to care for herself.  In some ways it was like my mother had become a child again and I became one of her caregivers.

 Bill is Sadie's husband. He takes care of her and he gets frustrated with her. They have been our neighbors for 13 years. I am very close to thier granddaughter, Sarah. She has spent many hours at my house over the years.  When she was home, last summer, she was so frustrated with her grandmother that she started to withdraw and avoid her as much as possible.  It was sad to watch. I have never had trouble being patient with the elderly no matter what the trouble may be.  It isn't their fault. I wonder why it is hard for some people and easy for others.

English Comp.

This class is consuming my life.  If you ask my husband I am putting too much time into it. He is probably right.  I feel insecure taking the class on-line. I like the convenience but I am never quite certain I understand the instructions and am doing the work correctly.  I also have no idea how I am doing compared with the rest of the class. So, far my grades are good but I have only received grades on small assignments.  I have three large assignments turned in but no grade so far.  Every one of these alone are larger than all the small grades put together. I keep checking everyday and I know that doesn't change what has already been done but to see the grade would let me know where I stand.  I'm turning into a worry wart. Passing the class is really not my concern. I really want an "A".

My 3-D class is a real roller coaster ride right now.  I presented my most recent project this week and I feel I did well.  My designs were sound and well executed.  I start feeling nervous when I see the work done by "kids" in the class.  They all know so much more about these programs than I do.  The only thing that made me feel better was when the instructor admitted that he didn't know as much as some of the students. He had been asking how the students had done some things and I thought it was so we could learn how.  After class while talking to him I understood that he was asking for himself as well. I started looking at tutorial last night.  Each was 10-15 minutes. It will be a long process trying to learn this stuff.

Blessings

It is interesting that my blogs have all had themes.  It is more like story telling than the way I have journaled before. I am the most fun telling my stories of triumphs. Life's little blessing. Here are a list of recent blessings.

Ryan was in a car accident.  He wasn't paying attention and ran a red light. It was all his fault and his car was totaled.  Blessing? Yes! He will go to court next week and pay and ticket and our insurance will go up (once again) but he walked away without a scratch.  My husband went to the accident immediately (he was home and able to get there fast- another blessing). He has been in insurance for years and has worked in claims. Having seen many accidents and he was amazed, our son could have easily died in an accident that severe.

Lydia is 16 months old and not talking. Many people have told me not to worry and then proceed to tell some story about a child who remained silent until the age of 2 or 3 and then began to speak in sentences. I don't doubt their stories (well, not much) but my experiences with my own children have been very different. Five of my children have needed speech therapy. Three began as preschoolers and one was so severe that she went 3 times a week until she started first grade and still continued in school until she was 8 years old. Every sound for her was a struggle.  I spent hours every week taking her to appointments and working with her on a daily basis.  Things would have been even more difficult if we had not gotten her help at a young age.  I remember her first speaking part in a school play.  I sat in the back of the gym with tears streaming down my face because my child was on stage speaking and everyone in the room could understand her (blessing).  So, when one of my children aren't talking I worry.

 Last week I decided to try and move her development along on my own.  I remembered that the first thing the therapist did with Audrey was teach her the word "bubble" by blowing soap bubbles with her and only blowing more when she said the word. Her two brothers just older joined us in the bubble fun and showed her how to get mom to blow more by saying, "bubble". It worked!  Now, all I have to do is hold up the bottle and she will say it. Huge blessing!

The next approach I decided to take was to try and teach her some sign language.  I taught my 5-year old sign as an infant and at 6 months he could ask for milk. He began speaking younger than any of the rest and speaks very clearly and well. When my next son was slow to talk I decided to try the sign language with him. This child started signing and speaking simultaneously.  He is still a little difficult to understand but no so much so that I am concerned. I tried to show her the Baby Einstein DVDs but she wasn't interested. Off to the library I went to look for the Signing Time DVDs and to see if that would spark her interest. These videos use music and she loves music. The next morning after watching the video she brought me her cup. I asked her if she wanted something to drink. She signed "more, drink". Then at her brother's birthday party she pointed to the cake and signed "eat". She was asking for a piece. It isn't speech but it is an attempt at communication. Once again a blessing!

I went to a meeting to discuss my 8 year old son's progress with speech therapy at school.  He has improved greatly and I am glad but the schools are eager to push children out of the program as fast as possible and I think he still needed a little more help. I wasn't sure how I was going to keep them working with him since they had pretty much stopped doing anything  months ago.  This is when a good teacher came to the rescue. She arrived at the meeting with a list of problems she had seen and could show how this was affecting his school work.  They have agreed to keep him on and work with him 15 minutes a week. Blessing! Blessing! Blessing!